SERIES 3 : THE 1ST PHASE OF MY LIFE

At the time I was 3-4 years old, my parents often quarreled in front of me and my other siblings. they were fighting so badly and my father beat my mother..what I could do at that time just crying.. I'm sad to see my mother badly beaten.. I suppose this is a gambling behavior.. 

I have five brothers and sisters ..i’m third child .. I have two oldest brothers, one younger brother and one younger sister... at the same time both my oldest brother lived with grandparents..  I think they life is better because they do not live with my dad..But second brother went to live with my mum and dad when he enters primary school..

While the eldest brother lived with grandparents. He was an excellent student in school, became head prefect, and a widely respected .. probably because the care of my grandmother and grandfather's brother to be a good balance of everything..Our father may influence how we live .. we are not as good as our eldest brother..

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SERIES 2 : THE 1ST PHASE OF MY LIFE

So when I went to my grandma, I'm not playing with my cousins anymore .. I only see from far away .. look with wistful eyes the evil-minded aunt ..

I felt myself humiliated..

i call my aunt wa ala,uteh ani and acik..i can feel that wa,uteh and acik very hated my family..my mum deeply felt suffering at that time..

was being hated by my dad sisters, forced to accept insult and got a gambling husband which like to abused my mum mentally and physically..poor my mum..

I remember on one memory..at that time it was Hari Raya Aidilfitri..I lovingly call dad .. but what I can get is only gaze pitiless..that time I am only 3-4years old but I still remember till today..when I was little, I remember that I never even chat with dad

what I remember is I was scolded and beaten by my dad..

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SERIES 1 : THE 1ST PHASE OF MY LIFE

I was born around the 1980's..since the beginning of my mother pregnancy my mother stayed away from my father until I was 2 years old..perhaps in terms of distance caused my mother to stay away from my father I..that time  I dont know about anything..not much thing i can remember..I was a child at that time..

Childhood is not something that is fun for me..I lack the attention from my mother .. because my mom worked for my livelihood and other siblings .. yeah .. I have a despotic father..my father .. who will be quick to anger when I make mistakes .. I think he was never to pay attention to me..

When I was 4-6 years old a lot of things that I do not understand..things that often makes me feel isolated .. that time I am only a child!!! Will the world understand???

I ignored and despised by my aunt because I am a daughter of a gambler..while gambling is his own brother..my aunt told his children in front of me, do not make friends with me because my father is BAD..I feel very sad at that moment..my mother also hated by them..

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EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED

The day I wrote on this blog is a day of frustration on the people around me..the day is 
today..20-10-2010..after decades of my life in this world.. I am extremely disappointed with the people around me..since I was little I never liked by anyone, even if they were my
own relatives..No body likes me..I never hated them but I loves them-they are..why this 
happen? Was I this bad?
Was I so despised in their eyes???


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